Since getting back from camp...I've been in a rut. My kids were making me pay for leaving them so long...
My leg hurt from my injury to it at camp...
Nothing seemed to be going right for me...
Work even seemed too overwhelming...
No one seemed to care...
Ruts are funny things. Its almost like you can't even explain them. When asked why I was in my rut, everything ran through my head, almost as if I searched for a problem within every single thing, relationship, detail of my life...and tried to blame it on that. Yet the blame never fits. You never feel settled with where your reason rests. You end up talking circles and still not feel better by the end of it. Its a rotten emotional place to be in.
I often wonder what God is thinking while He's watching me in my rut. Arms crossed, tapping His foot with a smirk on His face...thinking to Himself, "She knows the remedy, just wait for it." Yet our stubbornness feels like a heavy cloud that's near impossible to break through. Every so often we look up...and still we choose to stay put. Why we do this to ourselves, I'll never know.
Last night, I tried to describe it to my husband. It was unsuccessful, until I came to the conclusion that my rut was ultimately my lack of contentment. Jon followed that by telling me...
"You're trying to fill your voids with things that can't fill your voids...
therefore, not content."
So simple. I can't fill my voids with my husband, my children, my family or friends. I can't fill the voids with things that fail too. And as the Lord sits there tapping his foot at me, waiting anxiously for me to invite Him to fill my voids...I realize how simple it all is. The Lord is always waiting...patiently waiting with open arms for sinful me. Never-ending love and mercy...forgiving me for my stupid rut. Reminding me of my abundant blessings.
It makes me realize how inferior we are to our King...and yet we matter to Him. I matter to Him. How is that even possible? Why should He care? Yet He does.
This morning I woke up feeling His new mercies. I woke up realizing that maybe my rut was necessary. Maybe I needed to realize that my life and all that is in it isn't what I need most...that the Lord is all I need for contentment, and within that contentment, I will find joy in all the blessings HE has given me. Certainly not a new revelation in my life...but one I think we all should be reminded of on a regular basis.
