tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75832032273399378742024-03-13T22:39:54.488-05:00Mama LubellaGod. Love. Motherhood. Fashion. Life.Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-55453575881628396302014-03-15T22:03:00.001-05:002014-03-16T23:25:52.327-05:00Battle wounds2013 was the worst year ever. <div><br></div><div>Scattered here and there are lovely memories...but most are overshadowed by the misery we experienced from June through December. It all started the last week of May. Liv got an ear infection and pink eye. We were leaving for California a week later so I got her into the doctor promptly. She recovered quickly, and upon landing in California, Judah got everything liv had. We woke up one morning to a miserable Judah clutching his ears, and made plans to take him into a immediate care center for antibiotics. That morning as we prepared to leave, I started bleeding and began to miscarry our third pregnancy. </div><div><br></div><div>That misery physically lasted a handful of days and emotionally tortured me for months. You can read about it here: http://lindseylindstrom.blogspot.com/2013/06/time-soothes-all-sorrows.html?m=1</div><div><br></div><div>Then in August, Alivia was diagnosed with Childhood Absence Epilepsy...a journey we will be on for at least four years. </div><div><br></div><div>The Lord is good. Through it all. Through every single miserable step, He always provides...physically and emotionally. We could have had cancer...or any number of life threatening illnesses. But we survived through it all, perhaps with a few battle scars. </div><div><br></div><div>Here I am...3 months into 2014. It's been a good year. It's been a calm year. But I'm a more anxious and fragile version of myself. I know we will see more illness. I know there are more hills, more valleys to come. I know there will be situations I'll need to pray through, whether temporary or permanent. </div><div><br></div><div>I am a more anxious and fragile version of myself...but God knows that. He knows every inch of my weary and nervous heart. He's made promises well before my existence knowing that my anxious heart would need them. I am tremendously grateful for that. </div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-24258253617002420222014-02-26T14:24:00.001-06:002014-02-26T14:51:45.704-06:00My time off Facebook<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjtzbK-b_y30tP42ve-iciVhEmtS4RRuV-zobMmB2aTv4ZAaiHrB0mI85PaFpL0lIMNHspf0BfjPj9VgBG3unzFVxwap2wZF2MNsfQHs_BJEDgSlPsFvMw17x-QRswFlBN9AEv12VQSnqk/s1600/not-cool-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjtzbK-b_y30tP42ve-iciVhEmtS4RRuV-zobMmB2aTv4ZAaiHrB0mI85PaFpL0lIMNHspf0BfjPj9VgBG3unzFVxwap2wZF2MNsfQHs_BJEDgSlPsFvMw17x-QRswFlBN9AEv12VQSnqk/s1600/not-cool-facebook.jpg" height="192" width="320" /></a>Well I did it. When I set out on this challenge to be off facebook for a month, I knew it would be a challenge for me. Part of me didn't think I could do it. More than surprised by my success, I'm encouraged by everything I've learned by ridding myself of this.<br />
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The first day I got off facebook, I wanted back on. I wondered what everyone was doing. I wondered what I was missing. I wondered what conversations I'd be left out of...which birthdays I wasn't being notified of...if anyone had invited me to an event. I missed everything...even the game invites! I almost broke a couple times, but I made myself busy and moved forward. The next day my urgency to be back on was less...then the day after that, even less. The further I got away from facebook, the better I started feeling. It was bizarre since I never thought I held facebook to such high regard. Suddenly I started learning things, important things, about my life...my discipline...even the lies we convince ourselves are truth.<br />
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1. Facebook has nothing to do with being social. I was born social. I'm an extrovert in nearly every sense of the word. I love people. When I got on Facebook for the first time, I thought it was the perfect outlet for me to keep being social, even with the people I didn't see. The longer I was on it, the more it began to replace what's actually being social. Sitting at a computer or starring at your phone and typing a witty comment is NOT social. Arguing politics, parenting, church or whatever else with a bunch of people you may or may not know on a comment stream is NOT being social. Wishing a person a happy birthday with a comment on their wall full of emojicons is NOT being social. Ultimately, in real life, you are sitting on your ass staring at a screen. IN REAL LIFE...you are only interacting with the device in your hand. For years I convinced myself it was me just doing what I do best. I cheated myself out of thousands of REAL LIFE interactions. Facebook is about the furthest thing from social. You wouldn't know it until you left. So maybe we all should.<br />
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2. The amount of time I gained when I left fb was startling. Suddenly I had hours to fill. I was in denial that I had spent as much time as I had on fb, but I did. Soon I was getting things done. Reading, writing, talking with my husband, playing with my kids. I was running errands and not putting things off. It sounds so ridiculous that I was allowing fb to take up so much time, but I was! I'm beyond grateful to have that time back.<br />
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3. Its a joy to be present. Present in conversation. Present in my home. My nose isn't buried in a phone reading my never ending news feed. Being present in REAL LIFE is right.<br />
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4. I love not knowing what's happening in your life. I've gone to so many parties, dinners, nights out, church events...and I'm able to ask my friends what is happening in their life. I can no longer use the phrase "oh I saw that on facebook"...now I get to ask and hear it out of the mouth of the person who experienced it. Can't tell you how major that it for me. This is being social...my personality thrives on it and I feel every bit of it.<br />
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With all this said, I'm still not back on facebook. Not sure I'll ever be. Life is good where I'm at.<br />
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XO<br />
LindseyLindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-1145415870622115252014-01-23T23:34:00.001-06:002014-01-23T23:34:44.875-06:00Why I love social networks and deactivated my Facebook account anywayFacebook. <div><br></div><div>Ah, Facebook. </div><div><br></div><div>If Mark Zuckerberg knew how much of my life I waste on his creation, he'd hire me...or pay me...I'm certain I keep it in business. I spend hours of every single day surfing through fb. I read every status, every comment, every post. I click every link and read every article. I love Facebook in nearly every way a person can. </div><div><br></div><div>There are a couple things that happen to a person when they are like me. There are ways facebook influences a person...reasons that make taking breaks absolutely necessary. In the many years I've had an active fb account, I've never taken a break. Until now. Today I deactivated my fb account. Here's why:</div><div><br></div><div>1. Every morning I wake up, and the first thing I do is check fb. It's the first thing on my mind...wondering what the world is doing (or was doing while I slept.) There is so little time in my day when I'm not thinking about Facebook and that idea makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want fb to be in the forefront of my mind. I don't want it to dominate my thoughts...my emotions...my time. </div><div><br></div><div>2. Once upon a time fb was fun. It was an opportunity to share things with friends and family...it was lighthearted. Over the past year not a day goes by where there aren't dozens of people complaining about their stupid first world problems. It's become a soapbox for individual misery and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've taken part too. Its not okay, guys. We throw our misery into the social world with hopes we may catch some empathy or sympathy, and more often than not, it's not actual misery. I don't want to be the person who has a place in the virtual world to voice my petty and ridiculous complaints. I wanna shut my mouth and be grateful. I wanna be prayerful. I wanna be quiet and still...bringing my requests before The Lord instead of 500 of my closest friends and family. </div><div><br></div><div>3. I'm tired. Exhausted really. My sister said it best when she told me it's important to be in some control of what you let "in"...I was letting "in" the opinions and thoughts of hundreds of people. Some good, some bad, but regardless, it was affecting my mood and my heart. When something of the world has that much control over you, it's time to cut the ties. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm starting with a month fast from my beloved Facebook. I'm hopeful (and prayerful) that I will find a million more enriching activities to fill my time with...and not miss it at all. Maybe I'll even lose my desire to be on it altogether. There is a part of me that REALLY hopes that comes to be. So for now, goodbye my dear Facebook. Don't go getting all exciting while I'm gone. </div><div><br></div><div>Xo</div><div>Lindsey </div><div><br></div><div>Ps. You can still find me on Instagram and twitter...though not nearly as often :)</div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-77882983591605698122013-06-13T15:29:00.000-05:002014-01-24T13:57:40.411-06:00Time soothes all sorrows<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday, June 13th, 2013</span></b><br />
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I don't think I have many readers on here. Which makes this a great outsource for what I need to write today. I've been thinking for the last few days about how difficult it is to talk about this...but how much I need to get the thoughts out. Writing will do :)<br />
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This time last week, I completed a miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant. The cramps stopped. The bleeding stopped. And almost instantly, I didn't feel pregnant anymore.<br />
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We were on our much anticipated trip to California. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with my sick baby, and made plans to take him to urgent care to treat his ear infection. I went to the bathroom, and I was bleeding. Immediately I wept. Its a relatively normal occurrence for women to spot during pregnancy...but I never have. Its alarming. I called my doctor who ordered me to go to the ER and get an ultrasound. We all got dressed and prepared to go.<br />
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I called my mom who tried to reassure me with her well practiced reassuring ways. Can't tell you how badly I wished I was home at that moment.<br />
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We went in, had the ultrasound, got antibiotics for Judah and was told by the ultrasound tech that there was no baby. An hour later, the doctor finally came in and told us that the baby was still there (stupid ultrasound tech). Heartbeat was questionable. We went home a wreck. We didn't know if we were miscarrying or not. Total roller coaster. I was diagnosed with a "Threatened Miscarriage". It was threatening alright. I felt like someone had me at gunpoint.<br />
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I kept bleeding. I had horrible cramps. Almost felt like contractions. Each new pain, I mourned. I knew it was happening. I needed a doctor to tell me so and the ER was deemed USELESS. Wednesday we headed south to my sister's house. She had found me an OB I could see and got me an appointment. Jon and I went in, had the ultrasound and was told we most definitely miscarried.<br />
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I kept bleeding. I kept cramping. Some so painful that I was on the bed in tears. Thankfully I had good meds. I decided to let it be what it was, and continue to enjoy my vacation as best we could. My sister definitely helped me do that. We shopped, got pedicures, drank wine. All the "therapy" a girl could ask for. Not to mention my sweet husband, who so intimately knew my heart through all of this. I'm blessed beyond measure to be married to the man I am.<br />
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Friday morning I completed the miscarriage. The cramps stopped. The bleeding stopped. And almost instantly, I didn't feel pregnant anymore.<br />
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Friends and family keep asking me how I'm feeling. I don't know what to say. I feel good. Physically I'm 100%. Emotionally I have my up moments and my down moments. You know when you are buying a car, and you have one in mind that you really like...and it seems like you see it EVERYWHERE? Well I want to be pregnant right now. And pregnant women are everywhere. Ultrasound pictures of growing babies seem to pop up on nearly EVERY social networking site I log into. And the truth is that every time I see one, my heart breaks a little. We came home from California to our one and only picture of our little lost baby on the fridge. Judah's big brother t-shirt in the drawer. The baby blanket my mom bought in the closet. Prenatal pills on the counter. All these things like tiny daggers to the heart...little things celebrating our baby.<br />
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When I first started bleeding, there was only one thing that went through my head...and it stayed with me from start to finish. Even now. GOD KNOWS. The immense comfort in that phrase can't even be put into words. There is nothing more uncertain than losing a baby. Its like the world keeps moving and you are stuck in one place. You just want to scream for everyone to stop or slow down. Almost as if a mother's heart can't move forward without her baby. But there is no baby. Its such a SHITTY feeling. But GOD KNOWS. He knows I can handle it. He knew that our baby would be in His arms before ours. He knows what our future holds. He knows all of it.<br />
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So I can be stuck. I can wonder why this happened to us. I can worry that I did something wrong that caused this (don't worry, I know I didn't do anything wrong). Or I can just take comfort in the fact that GOD KNOWS. He is telling me to rest in that. And I am.<br />
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I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. I don't want anyone to cry for me, or mourn for me. I don't want that attention. Call me stubborn. I don't know why I don't want any of that...but its just how I am mourning this. Its such an intimately personal experience...one that I'm sure everyone handles in their own way. I appreciate prayer. Always. But if you read this and want to do something or say something...pray instead. Praise Him for knowing all things. Praise Him for creating life.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*disclaimer: If you are one of my pregnant family or friends who read this and immediately felt like shit for posting whatever you did about your baby and pregnancy, please don't feel bad :) I want to rejoice with you in the baby you are carrying...and while it may take a little time for me to not feel the way I do...it would hurt more for this to hinder your JOY for the beautiful life you've been blessed with. Post everything and know I am JOYFUL for you!</span><br />
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<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-30077374616233789782012-07-11T13:49:00.001-05:002012-07-11T13:53:01.060-05:00Callused.The older I get, the more I understand what I put my parent's through as a high school student. I keep finding myself becoming a callused old woman with a very little tolerance for the naivety of youth. Let me assure you, I pray against it always. Perhaps it would be easier to continue being callused if I didn't have the privilege of serving the Lord by leading a group of senior high school girls. Watching how the Lord miraculously changes the hearts of even the very lost, never fails to astound me.<br />
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I'm always pulled between grace and truth. As those who know me well will tell you, I'm much more of a truth person than a grace person. If you have the guts to put it out, you best have the guts to hear what I'm gonna give back to you. This works in some cases, but the longer I work with high school students, the more I realize that there needs to be a balance. Its easy to forget how I was when I was in high school. My old youth group leader will tell you I was one of her most challenging students...maybe even hopeless.<br />
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What I remember about her most was that she listened to me, that she was consistently in my life and that she loved me no matter what junk I may have drudged her through. To be perfectly honest, I don't even remember all the trouble she walked with me through...but I do remember her always being there, speaking the truth of the gospel into my life, teaching me about the incredible love of Jesus. She never judged, but directed. She was firm, yet incredibly loving. She was excited with me when Jesus changed my heart, and she wasn't far when I wanted nothing to do with Him.<br />
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So when I decided to lead in our high school ministry, I knew that I had a fantastic example to serve by...and the more I led, the more I realized that she was simply exemplifying Christ in her leading me.<br />
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I feel like in almost every situation in life, we get wrapped up in the "how to" or in the practice of becoming the best. We seek out the best leaders to learn how to lead...but we forget that all the secrets of the very best Leader is in scripture. How do we lead anyone well?? By serving them as Jesus would. With love, grace and truth...being a constant in their lives, even when they want nothing to do with us. My serving has changed gears in a huge way...less me, more Jesus...in everything. And let me tell you...when you serve with the heart of Jesus, and get snubbed by a student...it certainly puts my own sins against Christ in perspective.<br />
<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-82180748985905832542012-06-01T22:44:00.001-05:002012-06-01T22:44:29.651-05:00A decade past.I'll be 30 years old in 20 days.<br />
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Tonight I was driving home from my parent's house, and started thinking about all those times when I doubted God. When I doubted His ability to use me. When I excluded myself from His calling because I assumed there were enough people in the world doing what He called us to do. Times when my pursuit of Christ was on my to do list...times when my faith wasn't my first priority. I spent so many years wasting time...trying to figure out life apart from God. Trying to sort out these things in my life, giving God the thanks no doubt, but that's about it.<br />
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I remember being 18 and 19 years old and having women in my life who were GREAT women of God. I remember thinking how much I wanted to be that, and how INSANELY far away I was from it. I remember feeling the impossibility of it...the HUGENESS of it...so so far away.<br />
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Fast forward 10 and 11 years. I'm a college graduate. I'm married to a man I never imagined I could be blessed with. I have two of the most incredible children, both carried through perfectly healthy pregnancies and delivered without complication. I've owned two homes. I've accomplished a ton in my twenties. But to be honest, in the most humble way, my relationship with Jesus Christ...my pursuit of holiness...my desire to become a woman of God...THAT is what has made my 20's all worth it.<br />
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When I look back, I have a lot to be thankful for, but I'm most thankful that I've become one of those Godly women I so aspired to be. Please know I don't say that to boast. I don't wear it pridefully. I am humbled in the presence of my savior. His victory in my life has me on my knees daily. This nearness I am now so very familiar with, isn't something I'd ever give up.<br />
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So if asked the question of what I'd say today to the 20 year old me...I'm not sure I'd say anything. I lived my 20's well. I lived my 20's faithfully. More and more I realize how much I needed to do all I did through the past in order to be where I am now. More and more I see God's hand in my life...through my past and on my future. He has always been present. He was standing near protecting me from the naivety of youth. He was standing there waiting for me to realize how much more He was compared to all those idols I held so dear. He was the one who blessed me, who taught me, who tested me. His hand moving so intentionally in every direction, leading me RIGHT. HERE.<br />
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I've never been more excited to turn a new age. Not because I'm older...or that the world will look at me differently now that I'm that much more of an adult. I'm excited because for the first time I feel like its truly an end of an era, and the beginning of another. So here's to my 30's. All praise and glory be to God.<br />
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Blessings,<br />
LLindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-32645734025919813362011-11-21T13:33:00.002-06:002011-11-21T13:35:40.327-06:00ThankfulI'm not normally the one who does the thankful blogs around thanksgiving. But recently I've noticed my negativity. I am THANKFUL that I notice when I'm being abundantly negative, and I'm THANKFUL I have the know how to change my attitude.<br /><br />Regardless, I feel like I owe it to my friends and family to talk about all the things I truly am thankful for. All the things I'm blessed with even when my complaints seems to overshadow them. Here are 24 things I am thankful for this year...in no special order!<br /><br />1. I am thankful for my husband. I am married to a man I don't deserve. He is kind...more kind than anyone you know (I'm sure of it). He is patient, gracious, loving and loyal. He keeps my head up, he makes me feel beautiful even on my ugliest days and he holds me accountable to the things I'm working on. He is, in every meaning of the phrase, my best friend. I am so in love. So devoted.<br /><br />2. I am thankful for my beautiful children. I've been blessed with a daughter who is wise, beautiful, loving, hilarious and so creative. I've been blessed with a son who is so caring, so loving and abundantly happy. My heart is FULL...incredibly full.<br /><br />3. I am thankful for my parents. I have the world's most incredible parents. They are caring, devoted, wise and always true. They have taught me love, that perfection is unattainable, but that God is refining. I love them endlessly.<br /><br />4. I am thankful for my siblings and their spouses. Each one is so different and so completely necessary in my life. I love all of them. We have so much fun.<br /><br />5. I am thankful for my 6 nieces and 1 nephew! They are beautiful, each one of them. I would scoop them up and call them my own if I needed to. Each one is so tucked into my heart, I feel blessed to have them!<br /><br />6. I am thankful for my inlaws. They are generous and loving...so endlessly devoted to our babies, and so supportive of Jon and I.<br /><br />7. I am thankful for my grandparents and extended family. Aunts, uncles, cousins...blessed to have many. I love my time spent with them. I love all of them.<br /><br />8. I am thankful for my friends. Ahhh friends...the privilege of being able to create relationships with people like the ones I have in my life is incredible. I love them. They strengthen me and better me.<br /><br />9. I'm thankful for my home. We own a beautiful condo we were able to purchase last year. While it constantly stretches us, it is a blessing none the less. I am covered, I am warm, I am comfortable. Thats a lot more than most can say.<br /><br />10. I am thankful for the clothes on my back...because I have them in abundance, because I can choose my outfit and wear a different one every day. I have too much to be thankful for...how easily we forget to be thankful for even the smallest things.<br /><br />11. I am thankful for the food in my pantry. I am thankful because even when it's all gone, and we don't have means to buy more, we have people who help us.<br /><br />12. I am thankful for our cars. A car is a strange thing. Such an overlooked luxury. And we have two of them.<br /><br />13. I am thankful for electricity. I can see in the dark. I am warm when it's cold. I can cook my food with ease. I can be entertained by film and technology.<br /><br />14. I am thankful for my laundry machines. My clothes are always clean.<br /><br />15. I am thankful for running water. I can take a warm shower whenever I want. I can drink a cold glass of water when I'm thirsty. It's endless. And clean.<br /><br />16. I am thankful for the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want.<br /><br />17. I am thankful that my husband and I have jobs...and even though money is tight, things could be far worse.<br /><br />18. I am thankful for my humor. This sounds terribly conceited, but I don't mean it to be. I have tough skin, I am able to laugh and make others laugh. I love it. I am thankful for it. Laughter is healing.<br /><br />19. I am thankful for our pediatricians. When my kids are sick or hurt, I can take them to a place where people dedicate their lives to help them. No matter the cost, I'm grateful.<br /><br />20. I am thankful for my neighborhood. We live in a place where my kids can play safely, where neighbors are friendly, where lawns are mowed.<br /><br />21. I am thankful for my bed. I get to sleep on clean sheets, on top of a pillow top mattress, with a giant (and very warm) blanket and TWO big fluffy pillows to rest my head on.<br /><br />22. I am thankful for my church. I get to go and worship Jesus Christ twice a week...no one stops me.<br /><br />23. I am thankful for education. For my own. For my husband's. For the future education of my children.<br /><br />24. Finally, and certainly above all, I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am forgiven when I don't deserve to be. I am cleansed. I am renewed. I am thankful for a God who is righteous and good. I am thankful for a God who chose me and loves me. THIS is enough.<br /><br />I could add a hundred more things I'm thankful for, but you get the point. We want and want and want...our society is structured that way...and we forget the small things that are so big in the eyes of others.<br /><br />I am blessed big time.<br />Even when money is tight.<br />Even when things seem impossible.<br />Even when reality isn't pretty.<br />Even when the world tries to take me down.<br /><br />I am thankful this year and I plan to remind myself to be thankful for things small and big, every year.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving loved ones.Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-42978921007282229112011-11-19T23:01:00.001-06:002011-11-19T23:11:15.490-06:00Promised.Do you ever get wrapped up in so many things that you feel like its impossible to even get your barring on reality? I'm there. In fact, this is like the story of my life. <br />
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I have periods of time where I feel totally in control. Everything is just as it should be...in the right place...in the right position. But most times, I feel all spread out...spread way too thin. I feel stretched and bent so uncomfortably that I get worn down. I feel like I'm working for everyone else, I'm caring for everyone else...and everyone else forgot to take care of me. <br />
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Don't worry, I'm not depressed. But seriously...can I get an "Amen"!? I don't think I know a single person who hasn't been in this very position. It's amazing what I try to do to fix it...drop an activity, keep a week free of stuff, clean my house until every inch is shining...and all of it is just so temporary. Trivial at best.<br />
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We can choose to live this way, day in and day out, always trying to work through it all on our own. We can constantly depend on the relationships in our lives to sustain us emotionally. We can work and work to make things look good...but it's all worth so little. <br />
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I imagine myself walking next to God. On my back I carry my family, my friends, my home, my work, my life. All by myself, I carry the weight and work endlessly to keep on my feet. Why wouldn't I depend on God, walking next to me, to help me carry it all? Just as you'd depend on anyone to help you carry a heavy load...so should I depend on my Lord for his help. <br />
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When my relationship with God is firm, so is everything else. The pieces fall into place...things work out. Worries seem silly. Blessings are abundant. <br />
<br />
How do we forget this? Constantly forgetting this? Even though it's been PROMISED to us?<br />
<br />
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)<br />
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Lord, forgive me for thinking I have control over this. Forgive me for relying on the care of others for the fulfillment of my soul. YOU are enough. YOU are enough for me. Help me remember this, and seek you first in all things. <br />
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Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-34691140259507703002011-11-08T11:04:00.001-06:002011-11-08T11:43:32.971-06:00"All I want is my momma"<br />
<br />
I remember being little and having that feeling of fullness and love when I was in the arms of my mom or dad. It was safe, it was relaxing, it was happy. When I was sick, when I was hurt, when I was sad, when I was afraid...the only place I'd want to be was in the arms of my parents. <br />
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I feel blessed to have memories of that. Even as a 29 year old woman, I still feel that way. It's a feeling you can ever part with, and I'm eternally thankful to my parents for blessing me with that lifelong assurance. <br />
<br />
Just last night, I came home from small group and Liv (my 4 year old) was still up waiting for me. It was about 9:30p (about 40 minutes past her bedtime), and she was exhausted. I wrapped her up in my arms and asked her if she was sleepy. She responded with:<br />
<br />
"I'm so tired...and all I want is my mommy"<br />
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I can't even explain what kind of joy this brought me. To know that my kids feel that same fullness and love in me that I have in my parents is so important to me. I am her safe assurance...WOW...how did I get so blessed?!?<br />
<br />
With all this said, I can't help but think of how much our Savior wishes and hopes that in our adulthood, we would seek His arms for that fullness and love we instinctually need as humans. That same assurance ours parents gave us as children is the assurance the Lord offers to His children. Who wouldn't want to live in that? <br />
<br />
My role as a parent is going to be one that my children learn from. The assurance, love and promise that I instill in their lives will be what they compare to the assurance, love and promise the Lord has for them. With that in mind, I think I finally understand my purpose in parenting...to teach my children about the relationship they can have with Jesus Christ through the parent/child relationship we cultivate with each other. I want to emulate the Lord in all I do. There is no failure in that. That's most certainly a promise I can cling to!Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-21293176849489121192011-10-24T16:09:00.004-05:002011-10-24T16:35:35.953-05:00Hello Anthropologie :)<div>This summer was a rough one. Financially we were expecting more money, and ended up with less. I was "let go" of my hours at The Music Room for economic reasons, and things were looking pretty crappy. Jon and I had been overcome by the reality of our financial position...but instead of letting it "take the throne" in our lives...we chose to have faith that all this was happening for a reason.<div><br /></div><div>God is good. We know that for sure.</div><div><br /></div><div>I needed a job. Anthropologie held open interviews last week, and after pining over my interview outfit, I went in to see if I'd fit the bill. Being in there, talking to the manager and employees, just being around their product...it all felt right. My interview went really well. Something I've learned over the years is that there is no use pretending to be something you aren't when you interview for a new job. Let yourself be you and pray that "you" is exactly what they are looking for. They said they'd get back to each of us within the week. My week came and went, and on Sunday, I called in eager to find out if I was the lucky pick.</div><div><br /></div><div>I got the job.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was practically screaming on the phone...the excitement was not containable! I got the job. I am working at anthropologie. I get to work with their product...the beautiful clothes, the amazing accessories, the sophisticated home goods. I get to help women choose outfits using the most beautiful and timeless clothing to choose from. I. AM. THRILLED.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand that having a job is a necessity for most (duh), but my position has always been that its just as important to LOVE what you do as it is to have a job in the first place. My 12 years working at The Music Room has taught me so much about people and retail. I am beyond thankful for all I've learned, because now I get to take my knowledge and pair it with my passion. This is going to be a good ride :) Praise the Lord for His faithfulness!!</div><div><br /></div><div>With all this said...I thought I'd share a few of my favorite anthro looks :) Enjoy my friends...and come visit me.</div></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPrlSQZBiY4GerVUkOkCc0TzyPRBFiPIFRuIjzy4UI4zeH87H5ysaNkiWofcdHIbUKqWb4_7o3FsfKINxTNHMNUErB902ImraAuDB-5VkukDB3WNcZ352gK-yXLeh1ehq9RE0aRqXmuiv/s1600/312894_10150359142756416_107418161415_10116865_5312845_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 122px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhPrlSQZBiY4GerVUkOkCc0TzyPRBFiPIFRuIjzy4UI4zeH87H5ysaNkiWofcdHIbUKqWb4_7o3FsfKINxTNHMNUErB902ImraAuDB-5VkukDB3WNcZ352gK-yXLeh1ehq9RE0aRqXmuiv/s320/312894_10150359142756416_107418161415_10116865_5312845_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667173934561225586" /><br /></a><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_UzvYE3tVBSL75MfqpDk5s17YiB1SvuRZbP2ZwjXih_SAOZdMBvryp_yXl7suwv953jTMNuY1m6C57s-CYKsci0MkN9uKsWWCHnrVnKQz6aoPRb8HqSugt0z6CT63uICTnzWJ2DT4V2P/s1600/270778_10150304691641416_107418161415_9525611_3635039_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 122px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_UzvYE3tVBSL75MfqpDk5s17YiB1SvuRZbP2ZwjXih_SAOZdMBvryp_yXl7suwv953jTMNuY1m6C57s-CYKsci0MkN9uKsWWCHnrVnKQz6aoPRb8HqSugt0z6CT63uICTnzWJ2DT4V2P/s320/270778_10150304691641416_107418161415_9525611_3635039_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667173930451267426" /></a></div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDHloKMvR4pGK-F-1PwI4Gf0MmzOZmpXd54vYVCxVIK_E6lBQsxMWZ4SOSNLed420HmBZQdwigq_RlTvJGbVl8cyYVRKdzbZ0R84z_4MUw-eGGfYRB9U4DzKc80bM8S1XBR3AsMxM3KA7b/s1600/149926_497238176415_107418161415_7475976_3226130_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 143px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDHloKMvR4pGK-F-1PwI4Gf0MmzOZmpXd54vYVCxVIK_E6lBQsxMWZ4SOSNLed420HmBZQdwigq_RlTvJGbVl8cyYVRKdzbZ0R84z_4MUw-eGGfYRB9U4DzKc80bM8S1XBR3AsMxM3KA7b/s320/149926_497238176415_107418161415_7475976_3226130_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667173922573863314" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-1jOMYEeHfJ4pO4kPfo7M25EqT7ntjsqGooAC3lRzMvnyfJwq1x_LmbbNmpjq_1qW-jDX4Ow0HuY8RSbGe1Hajn4Qy-R1v7g8dylDfJ80uzoDSbdXrI75x3tT1oQjLX2zmsV4r9ehVdnZ/s1600/41033_469968511415_107418161415_6937950_6750163_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-1jOMYEeHfJ4pO4kPfo7M25EqT7ntjsqGooAC3lRzMvnyfJwq1x_LmbbNmpjq_1qW-jDX4Ow0HuY8RSbGe1Hajn4Qy-R1v7g8dylDfJ80uzoDSbdXrI75x3tT1oQjLX2zmsV4r9ehVdnZ/s320/41033_469968511415_107418161415_6937950_6750163_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667173918107222626" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBHm9-RXOqEJcK1x05hRFRIOHc7Sw3mUl7n4CHqDe3zkLzrbXFeMyMPPsw0XTfknCIvOen-W-lPiMSCb-DT_gNDIxE6577YxL5l9TSKxk1v5mTwsbanP3G9TSucXUF1hf-nxfY6bouc8Z/s1600/300312_10150359130541416_107418161415_10116832_2644934_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 274px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBHm9-RXOqEJcK1x05hRFRIOHc7Sw3mUl7n4CHqDe3zkLzrbXFeMyMPPsw0XTfknCIvOen-W-lPiMSCb-DT_gNDIxE6577YxL5l9TSKxk1v5mTwsbanP3G9TSucXUF1hf-nxfY6bouc8Z/s320/300312_10150359130541416_107418161415_10116832_2644934_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667173918113366674" /></a></div><div>OBSESSED!</div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span></div><div><br /></div></div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-27026233612330962632011-10-18T11:41:00.000-05:002011-10-18T11:42:31.485-05:00New LookI've had my old colorful blog far too long. Now for something a bit more...me. Hope you like :)Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-40634982926699327972011-10-12T00:11:00.001-05:002011-10-12T00:11:53.571-05:00Happy Birthday My Great Love<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/10/11/4431.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/10/11/s_4431.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Today, October 12th, it's my husband's birthday. In honor of his day, I thought I'd share with the world what I know of my love of over ten years:<br /><br />1. He is an amazing husband. He's a leader, a comforter, he's loyal, compassionate and always loving to me. He is my partner in every sense of the word. He is my sweetest love...and every day we love each other more. I never though our love could get bigger, but it has. <br /><br />2. He is an unbelievable father. Our kids fill with joy at the sight of him. He lays on the floor every day after work just so they can crawl all over him and laugh as he tickles and cuddles them. He teaches them the way of the Lord. He teaches them patience, respect, honor and love. <br /><br />3. He loves his family. I'm not just talking about the four of us. He loves his mom and dad. He loves his mom and dad in-law. He loves his grandparents and still talks about his grandparents who passed many years ago. He loves his aunts and uncles and his cousins (both biological and inlaw alike). He loves being an uncle to his 7 nieces and 1 nephew. He loves his entire family unconditionally...and always wants to be around them.<br /><br />4. He loves his friends like he loves his family. He is a devoted, loyal and caring friend. He is the guy you want next to you in all situations and I thank God for his "brothers"...who have very much stepped into the roll of siblings when he had none. <br /><br />5. He works hard. There are men who provide for their families, but I believe there are few who do it with as much passion and focus as my husband. He works hard for us...he's smart, he's an artist and he's always grateful for the work he is given. <br /><br />6. He loves the Lord. This above all things. My husband is the most Godly man I've ever met. There is never a question about whether or not Jon Lindstrom puts the Lord above all things. Those that know him closely know this well...and as for me, there is no earthly place I feel safer than under the guidance, comfort and protection of my husband. All because I know his heart belongs to Jesus. <br /><br />My husband is the greatest man I know. I love him beyond what I could imagine and I praise God for bringing him into my life. Everyone should be so lucky to find such partnership. Jonathan, I love you. I love you so much. Happy 32nd Birthday <3<br /><br />Always yours,<br /><br />Lindsey<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-71524772552461608172011-10-08T01:39:00.001-05:002011-10-08T01:39:28.757-05:00Looking beyond man<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/10/07/4401.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/10/07/s_4401.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />I don't believe we truly understand the righteousness of the Lord. <br /><br />We get hints of it...glimpses of his GLORY...and it rocks our lives. But I believe those glimpses are just that; a FRACTION of who the Lord is. A detail of his majesty. <br /><br />I imagine heaven. I imagine the immense JOY of meeting my Maker face to face. I remember the overwhelming, heart-popping-out-of-my-chest moment when my husband asked me to marry him...or when my beautiful children were born...and I think..."THIS IS A FRACTION OF THE LOVE MY SAVIOR HAS FOR ME??" it's mind blowing.<br /><br />Sometimes I wonder how it will be possible to survive being in the presence of the Lord. How are we capable?<br /><br />All this to say...we live our lives seeing the Lord through dirty glasses. We dig Him out of muck and search endlessly for Him within a sea of hatred and desolation. How easily we lose Him...how easily He get buried beneath our sinful nature. <br /><br />Constantly refine yourselves, dear friends. Constantly strip all that's unnecessary so you can experience a glimpse of the GLORY of the LORD. I am so unworthy. <br /><br />The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times. You, O Lord, will keep them; you will guard us from this generation forever. On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the children of man. (Psalm 12:6-8 ESV)<br /><br />For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.<br /> For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?— the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.<br /> You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip. (Psalm 18:28-36 ESV)<br /><br />We are unworthy...and still He loves us. I'm in awe. My life for the GLORY of GOD...<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-1430348935781730202011-08-08T10:32:00.004-05:002011-08-08T11:09:33.338-05:00Ruts<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7QAkEiG6XHEavWzEvndG_QC0nUTO9ru3TIwPf4oQHH1PhJcfEzztEd8RSGU3nXf-LVB3zs7x4MzjAFPj8n_EEzPXfEH75HxRQoZNYsEBR0XTQTdQn6X_kMbg_z0iDUP85tC7O4vFjo8I/s1600/a-prayer-for-times-like-these.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 269px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7QAkEiG6XHEavWzEvndG_QC0nUTO9ru3TIwPf4oQHH1PhJcfEzztEd8RSGU3nXf-LVB3zs7x4MzjAFPj8n_EEzPXfEH75HxRQoZNYsEBR0XTQTdQn6X_kMbg_z0iDUP85tC7O4vFjo8I/s320/a-prayer-for-times-like-these.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5638516920302789042" /></a>Since getting back from camp...I've been in a rut. <div>
<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>My kids were making me pay for leaving them so long...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>My leg hurt from my injury to it at camp...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Nothing seemed to be going right for me...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Work even seemed too overwhelming...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>No one seemed to care...</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Ruts are funny things. Its almost like you can't even explain them. When asked why I was in my rut, everything ran through my head, almost as if I searched for a problem within every single thing, relationship, detail of my life...and tried to blame it on that. Yet the blame never fits. You never feel settled with where your reason rests. You end up talking circles and still not feel better by the end of it. Its a rotten emotional place to be in. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>I often wonder what God is thinking while He's watching me in my rut. Arms crossed, tapping His foot with a smirk on His face...thinking to Himself, "She knows the remedy, just wait for it." Yet our stubbornness feels like a heavy cloud that's near impossible to break through. Every so often we look up...and still we choose to stay put. Why we do this to ourselves, I'll never know. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Last night, I tried to describe it to my husband. It was unsuccessful, until I came to the conclusion that my rut was ultimately my lack of contentment. Jon followed that by telling me... </div><div>
<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>"You're trying to fill your voids with things that can't fill your voids...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>therefore, <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i>not content</i></span></b>." </div><div>
<br /></div><div>So simple. I can't fill my voids with my husband, my children, my family or friends. I can't fill the voids with things that fail too. And as the Lord sits there tapping his foot at me, waiting anxiously for me to invite Him to fill my voids...I realize how simple it all is. The Lord is always waiting...patiently waiting with open arms for sinful me. Never-ending love and mercy...forgiving me for my stupid rut. Reminding me of my abundant blessings. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>It makes me realize how inferior we are to our King...and yet we matter to Him. I matter to Him. How is that even possible? Why should He care? Yet He does. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>This morning I woke up feeling His new mercies. I woke up realizing that maybe my rut was necessary. Maybe I needed to realize that my life and all that is in it isn't what I need most...that the Lord is all I need for contentment, and within that contentment, I will find joy in all the blessings HE has given me. Certainly not a new revelation in my life...but one I think we all should be reminded of on a regular basis. </div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-20363417338562122632011-08-03T19:53:00.001-05:002011-08-03T19:53:57.750-05:00CampFor the past two years, I have dedicated my Sunday nights to a group of teenage girls at my church. Every week we discuss life...and Jesus. It's hard work...very hard work...but hard work for the kingdom of God, which never goes un-blessed. I love it. Every single thing about it...and just might be addicted to it for life.<br /><br />One of the best things about serving in our high school youth group is camp. We have two camps every year: winter camp and summer camp. Winter camp is short, and incredibly fun. I loved every second of my experience there. This past weekend, I had the privilege of going to summer camp for the first time. I have no words to truly describe it...it's was an experience I will hold close to my heart for years to come. God was present and WOKE UP everyone who was there.<br /><br />I spent the week with amazing leaders, leading even more amazing students. I wish everyone had a glimpse into what it's like to do life with these kids in this setting...what it's like to worship with them, listen to their hearts, love them. It would blow you away.<br /><br />The only unfortunate part of camp is leaving...and the yearning you have to reunite with all these people when you come home. God works...and when God works, he leaves an imprint on your heart that is impossible to erase. These moments of life are simple reminders of how God refines us, molds us and heals us. HSM Summer Camp 2011 was definitely one of the best moments of 2011 :-)<br /><br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/08/03/4393.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/08/03/s_4393.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />Our youth pastor Luke MacDonald...the guy has a serious gift. One of the best pastors I've ever had.<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/08/03/4394.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/08/03/s_4394.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />Me and some of my girls. Love them and their hearts!<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/08/03/4395.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/08/03/s_4395.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />Me and just two of the amazing leaders I have the privilege to serve with every week. Love these dear friends!<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-28755380880388322512011-04-26T08:44:00.001-05:002011-04-26T08:44:24.686-05:00My little reader<br /><br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/04/26/698.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/04/26/s_698.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />When Alivia was little, I introduced her to reading books before she ever asked. She loves them...she reads them every night before bed...but I wouldn't necessarily peg her as a little book worm. Judah, on the other hand, can't get enough. He is ten months old and could easily sit for fifteen minutes reading books. He LOVES the pictures, and is fascinated by whoever is reading the story. It's adorable. <br /><br />I'm gonna go ahead and take credit for birthing a book worm...since I'm a bit of a book worm myself :-)<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/04/26/699.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/04/26/s_699.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-65349816469594049532011-04-26T08:31:00.001-05:002011-04-26T08:31:28.822-05:00Becoming a morning person<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/04/26/653.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/04/26/s_653.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />My mom was always a morning person. I'd often wake up and find her in a quiet room, sitting on a comfy chair, drinking her coffee and reading her bible. In fact even though my parents are now empty nesters (and have been for some time), she still does that. There was always something about it that I loved. Maybe it was the reliability of wanting to be by her when I woke up and always knowing where she was. Maybe it was how quiet and still our home always was...before every one woke up and began their day. I loved the feeling of mornings in my house. <br /><br />As I'm getting older, I have more of a desire to start these sort of regularities in my own home. There was a morning a few weeks back when Judah woke up before anyone else. Him and I went outside on our deck and took in the morning air. He played in his saucer and I read a book in my chair. Neighbors walked by and chatted about the beautiful weather...and eventually my sweet husband came out with coffee in hand. I loved the feeling of being a morning person that day. I felt refreshed by watching the day wake up and taking in how still and quiet everything was. <br /><br />Of course, not every day has turned out like this. I'm usually exhausted in the morning and only wake up because my kids wake me up. But the prospect of becoming this person appeals to me. One day my kids won't want to wake up, and I'll have those quiet mornings (hopefully to enjoy with my love) before our kids wake up...or rather, before I wake them up :-)<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-25701224838943242412011-04-21T08:48:00.004-05:002011-04-21T09:26:24.022-05:00down with toddler activities<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDTtP4-cyaoDsH0wox1zsUS5p3sAtI60kmtbW6SroZCEYZ2lL19QYEB-qOM3h6OuP9aBJI04HwcORgU9EexEKQPXk9su3HjT5SQVFtDEDSsyl8VpY-kXhE6C3R7mmocs4mQmtV3XIXPzwO/s1600/The_Angry_Ballerina_print.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDTtP4-cyaoDsH0wox1zsUS5p3sAtI60kmtbW6SroZCEYZ2lL19QYEB-qOM3h6OuP9aBJI04HwcORgU9EexEKQPXk9su3HjT5SQVFtDEDSsyl8VpY-kXhE6C3R7mmocs4mQmtV3XIXPzwO/s320/The_Angry_Ballerina_print.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5598042088155282546" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>This is an honest blog post. One that has the potential to insult or offend some of you mommies. I can only hope that you, as a friend, will understand that this is only my perspective. I don't judge you if you choose the opposite as I do. <div><br /></div><div>Last summer, we couldn't afford to send Alivia to 3 year old preschool. Frankly it wasn't that I even wanted her to go (3 year old preschool? really? What is she gonna learn there that I can't teach her at home for free). Anyway, I knew I wanted to get her involved in something, so I asked her what she'd like to do. At the time, she was very big into dance. She'd frolic around our house constantly. She loved everything about it. So, I searched for a dance studio in the area and enrolled her in a children's dance class once a week for 45 minutes. </div><div><br /></div><div>1 Semester (3-4 months) of class: $216</div><div><br /></div><div>As we approached the end of the 1 semester, it was dance costume time. </div><div><br /></div><div>1 Sparkly Sequined Dance Costume: $65</div><div><br /></div><div>I emailed our teacher and told her that we couldn't afford it...and weren't even sure we could afford dance next semester. The teacher and her family go to our church, and graciously offered to pay for Alivia's dance costume. I can't tell you what a blessing this was for us. I was over and beyond thankful for their gift.</div><div><br /></div><div>Time went on...we gradually paid for the 2 Semester of dance (another $216)...and then it was dance recital ticket ordering time.</div><div><br /></div><div>4 Tickets to a 15 minute dance recital: $60.00 (and no, we didn't get any free tickets for parents)</div><div><br /></div><div>Every year, at the end of the year, they create a t-shirt for all the dancers. </div><div><br /></div><div>1 YOUTH small tshirt: $22.00</div><div><br /></div><div>GRAND TOTAL FOR A YEAR OF DANCE FOR MY 4 YEAR OLD: $579.00</div><div>(not including ballet shoes, tap shoes and leotards)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>With all this said, I've come to a conclusion about activities like this. They are crap. My daughter is as uncoordinated as she was when I enrolled her. In fact, the only thing about dance that she cares about anymore is wearing her leotards. I'm not saying that dance is crap. Dance is beautiful, artistic and should be recognized for what it is. But when you ask me to pay $579.00 for my 3-4 year old to frolic around a dance room for 45 minutes once a week, its a sin. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've come to a conclusion (with help from a mom of older kids who I've recently befriended). She told me to let my kids be free...</div><div><br /></div><div>"go pick flowers. run in a field. that's all they really want to do!"</div><div><br /></div><div>I couldn't agree with her more. Of course, socially a dance class is a great idea. But my kid is the furthest thing from socially awkward or segregated...all this dance class did was teach her what kind of little brats to avoid. </div><div><br /></div><div>I want to be the mom that encourages my children to do what they want to do. I want to see them develop the skills they desire and flourish in that...but I also want them to have a childhood. I want them to have fun. I want them to enjoy nature, run in fields, take walks, go to the park every day, have picnics, play games, do crafts, etc etc...and all of these things are FREE. There is no reason to dish out almost $600 for my toddler to do in a snooty dance studio what she'd be happier doing in our living room. </div><div><br /></div><div>I learned my lesson. Today I will be paying $60 for tickets for Alivia's dance recital ($60 that could have been used for a much needed date night...or family night...or anything that isn't a 15 minute dance recital). Today will be the last time I pay this much money for something so insignificant. </div><div><br /></div><div>So take my advice, fellow parents: Do your research. Its a guarantee that your local park district likely has UNBELIEVABLE classes for your tiny one at a fraction of what I paid. Don't dish out the money for them now. Take that $600 you almost spent and put it in a bank account for them instead. Then go by a leotard at target for $12 and start a dance class in your living room :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-90769991553411651152011-03-19T20:54:00.001-05:002011-03-19T20:54:19.936-05:00Breath Holding<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/03/19/3234.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/03/19/s_3234.jpg' border='0' width='187' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />As a mother, the greatest fear in the world is the loss of your children. To best describe it, imagine each child as your heart living outside of your chest. Losing a child, I imagine, is like losing your heart. <br /><br />My son has developed a new tendency that made me feel as close as I ever want to come to the feeling of losing a child. It's called "Breath Holding", and is apparently very common in babies. Judah gets so upset that he holds his breath to a point where his face turns blue and he goes limp. Often times a child will pass out entirely...though thankfully we haven't had that happen yet. It's so completely terrifying that I was in tears both times it happened (twice in two days). I called my pediatrician today and was reassured that it's totally benign and of no concern. The nurses advice, "stay as calm as physically possible...he will start breathing again no matter what". <br /><br />I'm a pretty "in control" type of person...well, as much as a person can be. In those "breath holding" moments, I never felt more out of control...totally helpless. In this, I was quickly reminded of how desperate we need our God. How absolutely essential it is to depend on Him. Without faith in Christ, it's like walking a tight rope without a net. In those moments, I found myself turning immediately to God, and finding reassurance in His peace, His plan...whatever that looked like. <br /><br />Now that I'm educated about my son's new tendency, I have no fear of it...no anxiety about it's next occurrence, despite how much I dislike it. What I love (maybe the only thing I love) about situations like these, is how quickly God is revealed in moments of helplessness...and the jolted reminder I get to run to Him in moments of joy and happiness too. <br /><br />Working to be thankful in both the good and the bad. <br /><br /><br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-41707569113138641962011-02-25T20:47:00.001-06:002011-02-25T20:47:38.828-06:00In other news...<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/02/25/2830.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/02/25/s_2830.jpg' border='0' width='187' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Tonight after dinner, Judah was quietly sitting in his highchair and as I walked by, he leaned towards me and said "momma".<br /><br />It wasn't one of those baby mumbles either...he knew who he was talking to :-) <br /><br />It was like his little arms lifted me out of my rut with one sweet word. THIS is why I love being a momma!<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-82747478101150486252011-02-09T15:48:00.002-06:002011-02-09T16:52:32.757-06:00These are a few of my favorite things...<div>I've been a mom for awhile now...I think its about time I let you all in on some of my favorite baby and mommy necessities and splurges...in no particular order:<div><br /></div><div>1. <a href="http://www.triplepaste.com/">Triple Paste</a>: Don't let anyone fool you, there is NO better diaper cream in the world. I've tried them all, and while I'm a fan of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Aquaphor</span>, I love me some triple paste to clear up the worst of rashes. Not only do they have diaper cream, but eczema cream too. </div><div><br /></div><div>2. <a href="http://www.carters.com/carters/White-Cotton-Short-Sleeve-Multi-pack-Bodysuits/VM_111-271,default,pd.html?cgid=carters-baby-boy-bodysuits">Carter's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Onesies</span></a>: Some may say that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">onesies</span> are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">onesies</span>, but they are a staple in our home for baby. They need to be soft, durable and fit well. I am head over heels for Carter's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">onesies</span>. I stock up at every size. </div><div><br /></div><div>3. <a href="http://www.modernmoppet.com/zutano-baby-basics-booties.html"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Zutano</span> Booties</a>: These are a new find. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Alivia</span> basically lived in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Robeez</span>, which are great, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Zutano</span> booties are soft, warm and NEVER fall off. I have them in two colors for Judah and he wears them every day. </div><div><br /></div><div>4. <a href="http://www.toysrus.com/search/index.jsp?kwCatId=&kw=koala%20baby%20luxe%20baby%20blanket&origkw=Koala%20Baby%20Luxe%20Baby%20Blanket&f=Taxonomy/TRUS/2255957&sr=1">Koala <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Lux</span> Baby Blanket</a>: I must have a million blankets for my kids, but this is my favorite. Its soft, not too heavy, but seriously warm. Its the perfect Spring, Winter and Fall blanket. Good for nursing or to just keep in the car. I love mine. Its overpriced, so don't ever get one unless you have a babies r us 20% off coupon!</div><div><br /></div><div>5. <a href="http://www.britaxusa.com/car-seats"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Britax</span> Car Seats</a>: As a parent, there are just some things that are totally important not to skimp on. I like to consider things like cribs, strollers, high chairs and car seats investments. Back in October 2010, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Alivia</span> and I were in a terrible car accident. Our car was totaled, I had major bruises and whiplash, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Alivia</span> walked away unscathed. From that day forward, I pledged my allegiance to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Britax</span>. We own the Marathon for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Alivia</span>, and the Advocate 70C for Judah. They are pricey, but the best. Having seen them in action through the worst possible <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">scenario</span>, I'll never use anything else. </div><div><br /></div><div>6. <a href="http://www.psychobabyonline.com/">Psycho Baby Boutique</a>: For my locals, this is my favorite downtown baby boutique. Its totally overpriced but if you have some extra money to have fun with, this place is full of super cute, super unique stuff. They have an online shop too. Warning, its not a stroller friendly store, so bring your sling!!</div><div><br /></div><div>7. <a href="http://karmababy.com/">Karma Baby Sling</a>: I have a mad obsession with baby carriers. I've owned all of them except a few, but this one is my favorite by far. The fabric is soft and sturdy, and its enough fabric to make you feel like your baby is secure. It has a loop on them to hold a pacifier and a little pouch for anything you need to keep on you while carrying baby. And the patterns are super cute :)</div><div><br /></div><div>8. <a href="http://www.oldnavy.com/browse/home.do?tid=ongobue8t&kwid=1&ap=7&sem=true&mkwid=6955t6Z4&adid=byq+anil&creative=7114663803">Old Navy Fake <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Uggs</span></a>: God bless those parent's that can afford to outfit their children in $100 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Uggs</span>, but I'm not one of them. Frankly, the idea of purchasing kids shoes at that price terrifies me! The link will only bring you to the Old Navy site, but they sell fake toddler <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Uggs</span> every season. They are cute, warm and last the entire season. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Alivia</span> has lived in them since October and I stocked up on another pair in a size up for next year. </div><div><br /></div><div>9. <a href="http://www.gap.com/browse/division.do?cid=6344">Baby Gap and Gap Kids</a>: Okay...so this favorite is a bit broad, but here's the deal...I'm in love. I absolutely adore Baby Gap and Gap Kids, and before you start telling me your budget can't afford it, I beg to differ. It is on a very rare occasion that I purchase anything full price. The turn around at Gap is so quick, if you see something full price one week, it WILL be on sale the next week. Most times if you stop in the store, there will be an additional 40% sale prices (which are already pretty low). And if you shop often, you'll get 20% a regular priced item coupon at check out. You need to shop often and keep your eyes open. The best sales are in store, not online. </div><div><br /></div><div>10. <a href="http://www.playtexbaby.com/CupsMealtime/The-First-Sipster-Cup">Playtex <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Sippy</span> Cups</a>: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Sippy</span> cups are a constant struggle for parents. I can't tell you how many I've gone through with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Alivia</span>...trying to find the perfect one. You can go from the cheapest crap to the fanciest stainless steel...I've owned them all. The one cup brand that I think it best is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">playtex</span>. Both the first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">sipster</span> and the older toddler <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">sippys</span> are the best. They don't leak, they are super easy to clean and the water never smells like plastic. I own them for both <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Alivia</span> and Judah. We use them every single day. </div><div><br /></div><div>11. <a href="http://www.apeainthepod.com/Product.asp?product_Id=195570361&MasterCategory_Id=MC29">Nursing Bra</a>: I'm a nursing momma...I commit to nursing all my babies for at least 12 months. So when you basically eat, breath and sleep nursing...nursing bras are a necessity. I've been through many, but this one is my favorite. Its soft, no poking wires, easy to nurse with and enough support to keep my sagging girls from sagging past my knees. They are a bit pricey, but when you wear them everyday, you want something that won't fall apart on you. </div><div><br /></div><div>12. <a href="http://www.newmothernewbaby.com/">New Mother, New Baby</a>: This is another boutique for you locals. Its my favorite boutique in the suburbs. New Mother, New Baby is run by a lactation consultant who is awesome. They carry absolutely everything you'll need for breastfeeding (including pump parts), baby clothes, baby carriers, nursing clothes, toys and books. The best part? Its totally reasonably priced. They have a sweet little "Rest Stop" room with a glider, changing table and baby scale if you need a pit stop for your baby. They also offer a ton of amazing classes for mommies...from basic lactation consulting, to baby massage and a baby wearing class. Stop by sometime :)</div><div><br /></div><div>13. <a href="http://www.patagonia.com/us/product/patagonia-yerba-pack-22-liter-backpack?p=47900-1-750">Diaper Bag...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">errrr</span> not</a>: With <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Alivia</span>, I always used an over the shoulder diaper bag. By the time I was done using a diaper bag for her, I discovered how much I hated it. When Judah came along, I purchased this Patagonia Backpack. Its just a basic backpack, but its smaller, fits everything, has a million little pockets for all the baby <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">knick</span> knacks and its light. The best part? Hands free. Wearing a backpack makes loads more sense when you're lugging a baby and toddler around. Patagonia is an awesome brand, so its durable, decently priced, and will make a great bag for anything else once my kids grow out of diapers. </div><div><br /></div><div>14. <a href="http://www.hannaandersson.com/style.asp?from=SC%7c7%7c2%7c24%7c28%7c9%7c%7c&simg=37737_001">Hannah <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Andersson</span> Training <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Unders</span></a>: These are a little pricey, but often go on sale. They are the BEST training underwear ever. They have great coverage, and extra padding down the entire middle of the underwear. From experience, it absorbs 75% of pee and contains the poop if an accident occurs. I've used them on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Alivia</span> since she started potty training. She still uses them (mostly because they still fit her tiny butt). They come in tons of patterns and colors for both boys and girls. </div><div><br /></div><div>15. <a href="http://www.babyjogger.com/city_mini_dbl_dtl.aspx">Baby Jogger City Mini Double Stroller</a>: A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about my love affair with our new double stroller. This is the one. Ladies, I did the research. I tried them all out...I read all the reviews. This stroller is the best. It fits through every door, fits in the trunk, is super light and super easy to push. My kids adore it (Judah even sleeps in it! He never did that in our single stroller!). I'm in love...and if you are in the market, you'll fall in love too :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>For now...these are the favorites I can think up. As I run into (or remember) others...I'll add to my list! Hope you enjoy :)</div></div><div><br /></div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-89963957452640979192011-01-25T15:17:00.001-06:002011-01-25T15:17:52.484-06:00Double stroller from heavenYesterday, we bought a double stroller. I researched like crazy. I knew a few things I wanted for sure...it had to be something I could exercise with, I wanted a side by side and it couldn't be enormous. It needed to fulfill my working out and everyday needs.<br /><br />Last weekend, Jon and I took the kids to try out strollers. We tried everything at two baby stores, almost bought one, then decided against it because of bad reviews online. We came home empty handed. Yesterday, after finding something interesting online, I went to another babies r us to check out their selection...and there it was: <br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/11/01/25/1867.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/11/01/25/s_1867.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />The baby jogger city mini double...aka...the best double stroller in the universe...aka...worth every penny...aka double stroller from heaven.<br /><br />This thing had everything I wanted:<br /><br />- it's compact, but not cheap<br />- it has great reviews<br />- it has sturdy and larger wheels<br />- both seats recline all the way back<br />- front wheels lock for exercising and all terrain (yanno, for all the mountain climbing I do)<br />- the turning radius is insane<br />- it feels like I'm pushing nothing...ironically it's WAY easier to maneuver than my Greco single stroller.<br /><br />Anyway, it's amazing. Today I tried it out and loved it. Judah loved it. Liv loved it. Most importantly, it made my trip today considerably easy. Just one stroller full of kids to keep my eye on instead of one in the stroller and the other lagging behind. I almost felt babyless! Hahaha! I felt for the other mommies...one in the single stroller, dragging the other in hand behind her. Poor thing, if only she knew all the freedoms that come with double strolling.<br /><br />So if you are in the market for a double stroller, save yourself the headache of researching and just get this one. It may be a bit more expensive, but if you use strollers as often as I do, it's worth every penny.<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-20693870956550306502011-01-12T15:41:00.001-06:002011-01-12T15:41:10.387-06:00I Surrender...I'm convinced...when they did my c-section with Judah they MUST have done a lobotomy too. I HAVE COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND! <br /><br />Ever since the birth of my perfect child, I can't remember anything. I forget the stupidest things constantly...at home, at work, everywhere. This is a major problem for me and my compulsive organization. I'm the kind of person who can rely on my compulsiveness. If something works for me, I don't change it, so I can trust that the things I do get done a certain way...until now. Normally I keep a mental checklist of to dos....emails to write, calls to make, purchases to put in the check book...but as of late, I'm lucky if I can remember the point I was getting at. <br /><br />My hormones are out to get me. Nursing keeps me just as air-headed as pregnancy did. I don't even remember how I planned on finishing this post...<br /><br />Here's to surrendering to my brainlessness. Don't take it personally if I forget your name when I see you next...<br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-79154517256546903872010-12-30T14:47:00.002-06:002010-12-30T14:48:24.207-06:00Growing Up<div><br /></div><div>I'm doing it. Growing up I mean. </div><div><br /></div><div>In a moment of true honesty, I'm going to admit that I am constantly comparing myself to people younger...whether on accident or on purpose. I'm convincing myself that it's a perfectly normal thing to do in your late twenties. </div><div><br /></div><div>During the spring, while pregnant with Judah, I went and got dinner at this great little coffee shop in downtown Palatine called Uptown Cafe. I frequent the shop, so I knew the girl who worked behind the counter. We started having a conversation about pregnancy and babies (because those are the only conversations people ever have with you when you're 7+ months pregnant). She was telling me how she knows so many people who are having babies now. I agreed and said "I think it's just what happens at our age!"...the lull in our conversation provoked me to ask how old she was. She was 18! A whopping ten years older than her and here I am assuming we're the same.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our self perceptions become interesting when we get older. We always see ourselves as the twenty somethings thrusted into the world to become adults. But while our bodies certainly age regardless...sometimes I think it's hard to allow your mind to move forward too. I'm noticing more and more that I am growing up...I am letting go of that 21 year old Lindsey who knew everything and was considerably skinnier. I'm in love with the idea that my life experiences are aging me...maturing me. I feel wiser, smarter in the decisions I make. I feel myself thinking before I speak (something I often struggle with!). I'm slowing down...being more patient, kinder, considerate. I'm growing closer to God...my walk with him, my spiritual life. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you are a regular here on my blog, by now you might think I'm crazy. Every other post seems to be about my age. One day it's a crisis, the next it's an </div><div>epiphany. But that's what we do when we learn...when we grow up. All life's uncertainty keeps us on my toes. Even so...within that uncertainty, I'm resting on all I've made certain in my life. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here's to growing up...</div>Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583203227339937874.post-56137226798307392252010-06-01T03:48:00.000-05:002010-06-08T13:16:12.889-05:00Waiting: a candid post<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/06/08/1390.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/06/08/s_1390.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />Today I am 39 weeks and one day pregnant...and I feel 39 weeks and one day pregnant. This morning I had a handful of real contractions...I didn't want them to stop, but alas, they did. I don't think there is anything more defeating. So I decided to try to take a walk with liv, hoping gravity would be on my side and decide to start up those contractions again. My plans were sidetracked as I opened my front door to a total downpour. I grabbed the stack of library books and movies to return and decided a trip to the library might take my mind off things. Liv fell asleep in the car, it's still raining...and now I'm home, in my car, in our parking spot, waiting for the rain to let up and letting liv get a little snooze in (since I can't carry her into the house anyway).<br /><br />If there was a bench outside, I'd probably be sitting in the rain. I'm feeling a bit emotional, the rain is fitting. And maybe I'd feel something different besides being trapped in this very pregnant misery. <br /><br />The waiting is definitely worse this time. Sure, I was anxious and uncomfortable with Alivia...but there is an element of the unknown during your first pregnancy, that sort of keeps your waiting tamed. Now that I know what I need to do...and what is at the end of this road...the waiting is dreadful. I wish my water would just break....that way I'd know it was time...instead of timing contractions and praying they don't go away. Can I pray for my water to break? Does God answer that kind of prayer?<br /><br />Sometimes I think that all my complaining and anxiety is the reason I'm not going into labor. As though God is teaching me a golden lesson in patience and perseverance...waiting for me to chill out, turn to him for strength, be more thankful for my current state than miserable, be anxious for nothing...He knows me well enough to know all of this would be a major uphill battle. It's in my nature to complain when in the kind of position I'm in...and if you know me at all, you know I'm always anxious for the next thing...no matter what it is. Maybe today I'll work on figuring out how to surrender when all I really want to do is fight.<br /><br />Here's hoping and praying my next blog post will be loaded with pictures of my new precious baby boy. <br />Lindsey Lindstromhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06055764034962299899noreply@blogger.com0