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I love Jesus Christ and devote my life to following Him. I'm madly in love with my husband jon. I'm the mother of the most perfect babies in the world. I'm a Senior Sales Associate at my beloved Anthropologie. I'm a reader, thinker, lover, believer and traveler. I'd trade in the chicago skyline for the pacific coast any day. i love a good vino. i love my books. i'm creative as creativity goes but always wanted to be a painter. i prefer letter writing over emailing. And I always try to be a kinder person.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Battle wounds

2013 was the worst year ever. 

Scattered here and there are lovely memories...but most are overshadowed by the misery we experienced from June through December. It all started the last week of May. Liv got an ear infection and pink eye. We were leaving for California a week later so I got her into the doctor promptly. She recovered quickly, and upon landing in California, Judah got everything liv had. We woke up one morning to a miserable Judah clutching his ears, and made plans to take him into a immediate care center for antibiotics. That morning as we prepared to leave, I started bleeding and began to miscarry our third pregnancy. 

That misery physically lasted a handful of days and emotionally tortured me for months. You can read about it here:

Then in August, Alivia was diagnosed with Childhood Absence Epilepsy...a journey we will be on for at least four years. 

The Lord is good. Through it all. Through every single miserable step, He always provides...physically and emotionally. We could have had cancer...or any number of life threatening illnesses. But we survived through it all, perhaps with a few battle scars. 

Here I am...3 months into 2014. It's been a good year. It's been a calm year. But I'm a more anxious and fragile version of myself. I know we will see more illness. I know there are more hills, more valleys to come. I know there will be situations I'll need to pray through, whether temporary or permanent. 

I am a more anxious and fragile version of myself...but God knows that. He knows every inch of my weary and nervous heart. He's made promises well before my existence knowing that my anxious heart would need them. I am tremendously grateful for that.