I'll be 30 years old in 20 days.
Tonight I was driving home from my parent's house, and started thinking about all those times when I doubted God. When I doubted His ability to use me. When I excluded myself from His calling because I assumed there were enough people in the world doing what He called us to do. Times when my pursuit of Christ was on my to do list...times when my faith wasn't my first priority. I spent so many years wasting time...trying to figure out life apart from God. Trying to sort out these things in my life, giving God the thanks no doubt, but that's about it.
I remember being 18 and 19 years old and having women in my life who were GREAT women of God. I remember thinking how much I wanted to be that, and how INSANELY far away I was from it. I remember feeling the impossibility of it...the HUGENESS of it...so so far away.
Fast forward 10 and 11 years. I'm a college graduate. I'm married to a man I never imagined I could be blessed with. I have two of the most incredible children, both carried through perfectly healthy pregnancies and delivered without complication. I've owned two homes. I've accomplished a ton in my twenties. But to be honest, in the most humble way, my relationship with Jesus Christ...my pursuit of holiness...my desire to become a woman of God...THAT is what has made my 20's all worth it.
When I look back, I have a lot to be thankful for, but I'm most thankful that I've become one of those Godly women I so aspired to be. Please know I don't say that to boast. I don't wear it pridefully. I am humbled in the presence of my savior. His victory in my life has me on my knees daily. This nearness I am now so very familiar with, isn't something I'd ever give up.
So if asked the question of what I'd say today to the 20 year old me...I'm not sure I'd say anything. I lived my 20's well. I lived my 20's faithfully. More and more I realize how much I needed to do all I did through the past in order to be where I am now. More and more I see God's hand in my life...through my past and on my future. He has always been present. He was standing near protecting me from the naivety of youth. He was standing there waiting for me to realize how much more He was compared to all those idols I held so dear. He was the one who blessed me, who taught me, who tested me. His hand moving so intentionally in every direction, leading me RIGHT. HERE.
I've never been more excited to turn a new age. Not because I'm older...or that the world will look at me differently now that I'm that much more of an adult. I'm excited because for the first time I feel like its truly an end of an era, and the beginning of another. So here's to my 30's. All praise and glory be to God.