My photo
I love Jesus Christ and devote my life to following Him. I'm madly in love with my husband jon. I'm the mother of the most perfect babies in the world. I'm a Senior Sales Associate at my beloved Anthropologie. I'm a reader, thinker, lover, believer and traveler. I'd trade in the chicago skyline for the pacific coast any day. i love a good vino. i love my books. i'm creative as creativity goes but always wanted to be a painter. i prefer letter writing over emailing. And I always try to be a kinder person.

Monday, August 8, 2011


Since getting back from camp...I've been in a rut.

My kids were making me pay for leaving them so long...
My leg hurt from my injury to it at camp...
Nothing seemed to be going right for me...
Work even seemed too overwhelming...
No one seemed to care...

Ruts are funny things. Its almost like you can't even explain them. When asked why I was in my rut, everything ran through my head, almost as if I searched for a problem within every single thing, relationship, detail of my life...and tried to blame it on that. Yet the blame never fits. You never feel settled with where your reason rests. You end up talking circles and still not feel better by the end of it. Its a rotten emotional place to be in.

I often wonder what God is thinking while He's watching me in my rut. Arms crossed, tapping His foot with a smirk on His face...thinking to Himself, "She knows the remedy, just wait for it." Yet our stubbornness feels like a heavy cloud that's near impossible to break through. Every so often we look up...and still we choose to stay put. Why we do this to ourselves, I'll never know.

Last night, I tried to describe it to my husband. It was unsuccessful, until I came to the conclusion that my rut was ultimately my lack of contentment. Jon followed that by telling me...

"You're trying to fill your voids with things that can't fill your voids...
therefore, not content."

So simple. I can't fill my voids with my husband, my children, my family or friends. I can't fill the voids with things that fail too. And as the Lord sits there tapping his foot at me, waiting anxiously for me to invite Him to fill my voids...I realize how simple it all is. The Lord is always waiting...patiently waiting with open arms for sinful me. Never-ending love and mercy...forgiving me for my stupid rut. Reminding me of my abundant blessings.

It makes me realize how inferior we are to our King...and yet we matter to Him. I matter to Him. How is that even possible? Why should He care? Yet He does.

This morning I woke up feeling His new mercies. I woke up realizing that maybe my rut was necessary. Maybe I needed to realize that my life and all that is in it isn't what I need most...that the Lord is all I need for contentment, and within that contentment, I will find joy in all the blessings HE has given me. Certainly not a new revelation in my life...but one I think we all should be reminded of on a regular basis.

1 comment:

Jessie said...

"It makes me realize how inferior we are to our King...and yet we matter to Him. I matter to Him. How is that even possible? Why should He care? Yet He does."

It's so amazing that, Yes! He cares desperately for us! For you. For me.

I hate that you are in such a spot right now. It can be lonely and overwhelming.

A word came to mind as I am praying for and writing to you...steadfast. I looked up some verses for you:

1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Keep on keeping on. Hold tight to the rope that God has around your waist as you struggle around in this fog. He's at the other end. He's your life line :) He love you.

Praying for you!