This year we celebrated Christmas in sunny California. Jon's entire maternal family is out here, so we are spending a week with them, then heading a little further south to be with my sister and her husband for the New year.
I wondered, this year, if it would be hard for me to be away from family. Oddly enough, I'm doing just fine. While I miss them dreadfully (especially with the AMAZING news that my oldest sister Jennifer is pregnant with her third beautiful baby!!), I am holding up just fine. And even stranger, I feel the presence of Christmas even without the snow. Jon's family is amazing...and they remind me so much of my family, perhaps that is the reason I feel so "at home" with them. I am blessed to have married into a family so amazing!
Alivia, on the other hand, is acting out a bit. She has continued to remind me just how smart she is on this trip. Since we've been staying at Jon's grandparent's house with his parents also, Alivia has decided that I am the devil and "G G" also known as Grandma, is the one and only. Now, while I love that she is cuddling up so intimately with her Grandma whom she rarely sees, I can't help but miss my little lovebug. On a normal basis, Alivia and I are two peas in a pod. We cuddle all day, she comes to me for everything...we are best friends. So, I can't help but miss her...and be slightly jealous...that my little one wants to be with someone else more than me...no matter who that someone else might be.
Instead of going nutz over it...I've decided to embrace the moments throughout the day when she finds me again...cuddles up, and is reminded of all I am to her. The morning, when she snuggles between Jon and I in bed and just talks and talks....the evenings, when she curls up next to me at bedtime and snuggles before I put her down for the night...and the few occasions throughout the day when I catch a smile from her or have a moment to chase her around the house or have a dance party in the living room.
This is motherhood.
Being the first pick...but only when no one else is looking. Being the one she'll run to when she gets hurt...being the one she'll rely on to survive. I suppose you could say I've embraced the fact that I live somewhere in her that may not always appear on the surface of things. I am deep deep down in that little heart of hers...where she can always feel it and always know its there when she needs it. There is something devine about this...a connection so perfected...and no matter how jealous I might become when she runs into the arms of someone else instead of me, I will always know that I will be the constant in her little life. Guiding her in the background...loving her in ways she won't recognize until she, God willing, has a child of her own.
This Christmas I am thankful for Alivia. For God's amazing gift to Jon and I....a beautiful baby....a wonderful family....amazing friends. And most importantly, I am thankful for a Savior who finds me worthy of these things...and so much more.
I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and a very very happy new year.