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I love Jesus Christ and devote my life to following Him. I'm madly in love with my husband jon. I'm the mother of the most perfect babies in the world. I'm a Senior Sales Associate at my beloved Anthropologie. I'm a reader, thinker, lover, believer and traveler. I'd trade in the chicago skyline for the pacific coast any day. i love a good vino. i love my books. i'm creative as creativity goes but always wanted to be a painter. i prefer letter writing over emailing. And I always try to be a kinder person.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A lifetime of worry


There was a time in my pregnancy when I began worrying about Alivia. I wasn't worried about my pregnancy or labor and delivery...I was worried about Alivia's life. Worried about her experiences and how I would keep her from the evils of the world. 

The worry overwhelmed me. 

When I told my mom about it, I asked her if it ever gets better. I have three siblings; two older sisters and a younger brother. She told me that every night she lays in bed and goes through each one of her children, thinking about all the things she's worried about. Her youngest child is 24 years old. At that point, I realized that there wouldn't be a day in Alivia's life when I wouldn't be worried to a degree. As a baby, I'd worry about what she'd eat, when she'd sleep, when and if she'd wake up in the morning. As a toddler I worry that she'll fall, that someone will take her from me, that she will be exposed to the things of the world that will effect her negatively. Everyday there is a worry I concern myself with. Some days are less worry-full then others, but there is always something. 

With everything that is happening in the world right now...the war...the economy...the wastefulness...what mother wouldn't worry about the future of their child? The idea of my sweet baby growing up in a world so devouring terrifies me. I don't care about what happens to me...but I will do everything in my power and ability to protect my child. At church this morning, I learned how not to be deceived. We are in the last hour...the last terrifying, deceiving hour. And in the midst of the worry, I need not. I learned that I do my baby a disservice by not entrusting everything about her into my Lord's over capable hands. If I hand Alivia over to my savior, I protect her from all those things I spend so much time worrying about. And when I rest in Him...when I find the peace that comes with worshipping this King...those worries disappear. 

I could fall apart thinking about the world my daughter is growing up in. Or I can praise the Lord that my heart knows the truth...and that Jon and I have been given the opportunity to share the truth with Alivia...and with that truth, she can venture into a world that hates it and become a light in the darkest of dark. 

I will not be deceived...because I know the Gospel.
I will not be deceived...because I can abide in Eternal Life.
I will not be deceived...because I have the Holy Spirit to help me abide.

1 comment:

vana chupp said...

sweet post Lindsey!