Waiting: a candid post

Today I am 39 weeks and one day pregnant...and I feel 39 weeks and one day pregnant. This morning I had a handful of real contractions...I didn't want them to stop, but alas, they did. I don't think there is anything more defeating. So I decided to try to take a walk with liv, hoping gravity would be on my side and decide to start up those contractions again. My plans were sidetracked as I opened my front door to a total downpour. I grabbed the stack of library books and movies to return and decided a trip to the library might take my mind off things. Liv fell asleep in the car, it's still raining...and now I'm home, in my car, in our parking spot, waiting for the rain to let up and letting liv get a little snooze in (since I can't carry her into the house anyway).

If there was a bench outside, I'd probably be sitting in the rain. I'm feeling a bit emotional, the rain is fitting. And maybe I'd feel something different besides being trapped in this very pregnant misery.

The waiting is definitely worse this time. Sure, I was anxious and uncomfortable with Alivia...but there is an element of the unknown during your first pregnancy, that sort of keeps your waiting tamed. Now that I know what I need to do...and what is at the end of this road...the waiting is dreadful. I wish my water would just break....that way I'd know it was time...instead of timing contractions and praying they don't go away. Can I pray for my water to break? Does God answer that kind of prayer?

Sometimes I think that all my complaining and anxiety is the reason I'm not going into labor. As though God is teaching me a golden lesson in patience and perseverance...waiting for me to chill out, turn to him for strength, be more thankful for my current state than miserable, be anxious for nothing...He knows me well enough to know all of this would be a major uphill battle. It's in my nature to complain when in the kind of position I'm in...and if you know me at all, you know I'm always anxious for the next thing...no matter what it is. Maybe today I'll work on figuring out how to surrender when all I really want to do is fight.

Here's hoping and praying my next blog post will be loaded with pictures of my new precious baby boy.

My boy

(picture above is from April 2007 - Me and my livie, less then a week after she was born)

Today I am 37.5 weeks pregnant. In two and a half weeks (or hopefully less) I will meet my sweet baby Judah. Throughout the entire pregnancy, I've been thrilled about having another little one...but today it all hit me.

I had a doctors appointment and they gave me a free ultrasound so they could make sure he was head down. Sure enough, he was...and the ultrasound tech gave me a sneak peek of my sweet baby boy's profile. I saw his little lips (that look like momma's) and his teenie nose (that resembles his daddy's). He had his arm draped across his eyes, a trait we've become use to seeing during our ultrasounds. She double checked his little boy parts to make sure he was indeed a little boy...and all these pictures made me realize that I have a full sized beautiful amazing newborn inside of me.

It made me want to hold him, kiss him, love on him...introduce him to his big sister. I can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to name him. I can't wait to hear his cry and count his little fingers and toes. I feel insanely blessed.

It might sound crazy...but I'm ready for sleepless nights (it's not as if I'm getting the best sleep of my life now anyway). I'm ready to get to know him...get to know his cries and what he loves best. I'm ready to see how our sweet Alivia wants to help and how she reacts to a new little member of our family. I'm ready for the good and the bad...the ease and the challenges. I'm ready to hold both my babies in my lap and praise the Lord for the miracles he has blessed me and Jon with.

I'm ready for Judah Timothy Kenneth Lindstrom to arrive. I can't wait!

Existance

My entire existance has become uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I remember this state when I was pregnant with Alivia...but this time, its worse.

I have to keep reminding myself that I have 5 weeks left. It could be 3 weeks if I'm one of the lucky momma's that goes 2 weeks early. Here's hoping.

At this stage in my pregnancy, I feel like now is the time to look back at the last 8 months and look forward to what's to come very very soon. There are some major benefits to being pregnant with number 2...for one, there is SO much less worry. Having done this once, you know the aches and pains. Even if they are different, having gone through labor helps you decipher what warrents a call to the doctor and what doesn't. I can't tell you what a great relief it is to be without the worry of it all...and while there are things that keep me thinking, overall, the emotional part of this pregnancy has been quite pleasant.

There is also a great relief in knowing that I've done this once, so I can do it again. I've experienced the terrorizing pain of labor, I've been the sleepless mom, I've struggled through my first 8 weeks of nursing, I've done it all. Some have warned me that it's different because I have a toddler at home. I've been warned about the stress and how overwhelming it can get. Please note that I have accepted that these situations may very well be a part of my future, but those who know me well know I don't do stress. I see every situation as a choice; get stressed or choose to handle it differently. I, more often then not, choose to handle it differently. Call me naive...call me crazy...but I have confidence in my capabilities as a mother, I have confidence in my calm and patient husband and I have the utmost confidence in my well behaved three year old. All this to say, I'm not worried about it. One day at a time...

Perhaps that's the payoff. I might be emotionally together and less worried overall...but at the same time I'd do anything to just be comfortable for a few minutes. This pregnancy has been different physically. My first and second trimesters were the same as my first pregnancy...but my third brought all kinds of lovely ailments to the table. Raging heartburn, swollen feet, lots of Braxton hicks, aching back, painful legs, sensitive tatas and a never ending stretching belly. I've tried desperately to be pleasantly pregnant (physically) this time around, and have found for me that it's nearly impossible.

I'm 35 weeks. If screaming "get this baby outta me!" actually worked, you'd hear it from me. But for now, I'm going to take one day at a time...enjoying my alone time with my precious Alivia...taking advantage of every moment I can spend with my sweet husband, the love of my life...taking in every last full night of sleep...and enjoying my pregnancy (regardless how miserable I may feel by the end of the day)

Quiet week

Yesterday, my sweet husband recommended that we not go on any social networks or play any games on our iPhones for the entire week, so that we'd be able to spend more time focusing on what this week is about...the great sacrifice our Lord made for us.

This is a tough challenge for me. I'm a very social person, and being a stay at home mom, my daily social outlet is often connecting with friends on facebook or Twitter. On days when I'm out with friends, I'm usually never on a social network...but I like to be connected socially, at all times...in one way or another.

On the other side, I've always felt a heavy weight to make sure my family and I celebrate the holy holidays the way they are intended to be celebrated. I hate that the birth of our most holy savior is over shadowed by Santa and reindeer at Christmas time...and I feel an urgency to reject the Easter bunny so my daughter understands that Easter is so much more than candy eggs and ham. With this said, I'm fighting against my social human nature to ensure that this week, we remember.

I'll be focusing on Christ's sacrifice. I'll be focusing on the resurrection. I'll be investing in teaching Alivia what it means when she tells people that "Jesus is alive".

Understand good Friday...celebrate His resurrection. Blessings to you, my friends.

My boy!

2010 has been a pleasant year thus far. The month of January brought us some unbelivable news...WE ARE HAVING A BOY!

As some of you might know, I was hoping for a girl. Mostly because of the piles and bins of girls clothes I have! Oddly enough, when I found out it was a boy...it felt perfect...meant to be...exactly right. I never thought I'd feel that way about having a son...but I do!

My little boy still has a good 18 weeks to brew, but I feel like i've already learned so much about his personality. At our ultrasound, the tech had trouble getting certain readings because he was so snuggled down in my pelvis. She told me he was tucked up right against me...perhaps I have a mommy's boy on my hands! Frankly, I'm as happy as a clam at the thought of having a little momma's boy...as any mother would be :-)

I've been paying close attention to his awake times. He doesn't seem like much of a sleeper...waking me up at night with violent kicks and punches to the bladder. I'll admit, I'm a little concerned about these little kicks and punches turning into mongo kicks and punches in the upcoming weeks. I might end up with bruises! His constant moving makes me think I won't end up with a chill baby either. Alivia was the easiest baby ever! I may not get so lucky this time...Alivia definitely didn't move around this much in utero!

He is a blessing...our sweet boy. No matter what personality he ends up with...no matter who he looks like or how he behaves...no matter how much or how little he sleeps...I thank the Lord for him. Amazing how you can love someone so much...before you even meet!

For you lucky handful of readers out there... We've chosen a name and would love to share it with the world. We named alivia at her ultrasound and love the idea of calling our babies by name from 20 weeks onward :-)

On or around June 14, 2010...

Judah Timothy Kenneth Lindstrom

...will be born :-) We are so so excited.

Welcoming 2010

I'll admit it, 2009 wasn't amazing. Yes, my adorable nephew Silas and beautiful neice Olive were born, but aside from those blessings, I feel like its been a bit of a ride. I am glad to see it go. I love the prospect of a brand new year. For me, its an opportunity to start over...to do things a little bit different...to set my expectations low, but be extremely optimistic for the blessings I know we will receive. This year is going to be full of new beginnings. A new baby, a new mindset, a new way of doing things...God is good and I have faith in His abundant goodness this year.

Last night I went to bed at 11:45p. I was pooped after having a lovely evening with my parents, aunts, uncles and grandma. Jon is out of town, so I snuggled into bed with my precious Alivia...and tried to drift off to sleep. At midnight, neighbors set off fireworks at midnight. They were faint enough not to disturb Alivia's sleep, but just enough to let me know it was the new year. I laid in bed with Alivia in my arms and prayed for 2010. I felt like it was the most perfect way to ring in the new year (of course it would have been even more perfect to have Jon in that bed with us!)...thanking the Lord for 2009 and asking for His guidance, health, wisdom and blessings in 2010.

This year is going to be a new start for the Lindstrom's. God will be in the forefront of our family. Our home will be joyful...warm...and our lives full of peace. 2010 will be good! And of course, the joy of a new baby...a new addition to our family...will be overwhelmingly amazing. I am so excited for it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVED ONES!

Refocusing Fall...

I love fall. Its my favorite time of year...minus the gray sky and rainy days. Recently I took my sweet Alivia out for a Fall photo shoot. I've never gotten her pictures taken professionally, so for the time being, we'll settle with our digital camera photo shoots in the back yard :)

Our life lately has been a bit of a whirlwind. Our weeks are absolutely stocked with commitments, which are all wonderful, but most certainly overwhelming at times.

Whenever life gets like this...almost so busy that you can't see the really important stuff that exists underneath all the busy stuff...I spend a good week or two refocusing. Refocusing on my husband, the love of my life. Refocusing on being a mother to my beautiful baby. Refocusing on my relationship with the Lord. Refocusing on my family and friendships. Its terribly important to reconnect with what's important. While a busy schedule has its rewards, it should never take precedence over what matters most.

I try really hard not to spread myself too thin...and when I feel like I really am, something has to go. In order to let something go, it is absolutely imperative to have your priorities straight. SIDE NOTE: In my opinion, essentials should rarely be priorities. Yes, we all have to work to stay alive...but never let a job trump your relationships. There is great freedom in being able to define your priorities. Its says a lot about yourself to know what's important, and not let anything come in the way of that. Its actually quite liberating :-)

So this is the season in my life where I am doing just that. Refocusing...setting my priorities. With the whirlwind we are currently living in, keeping our footing is terribly necessary. I'm thinking about and planning for our future...which thankfully, looks very, very bright :)