Merry Christmas loved ones...

This year we celebrated Christmas in sunny California. Jon's entire maternal family is out here, so we are spending a week with them, then heading a little further south to be with my sister and her husband for the New year.

I wondered, this year, if it would be hard for me to be away from family. Oddly enough, I'm doing just fine. While I miss them dreadfully (especially with the AMAZING news that my oldest sister Jennifer is pregnant with her third beautiful baby!!), I am holding up just fine. And even stranger, I feel the presence of Christmas even without the snow. Jon's family is amazing...and they remind me so much of my family, perhaps that is the reason I feel so "at home" with them. I am blessed to have married into a family so amazing!

Alivia, on the other hand, is acting out a bit. She has continued to remind me just how smart she is on this trip. Since we've been staying at Jon's grandparent's house with his parents also, Alivia has decided that I am the devil and "G G" also known as Grandma, is the one and only. Now, while I love that she is cuddling up so intimately with her Grandma whom she rarely sees, I can't help but miss my little lovebug. On a normal basis, Alivia and I are two peas in a pod. We cuddle all day, she comes to me for everything...we are best friends. So, I can't help but miss her...and be slightly jealous...that my little one wants to be with someone else more than me...no matter who that someone else might be.

Instead of going nutz over it...I've decided to embrace the moments throughout the day when she finds me again...cuddles up, and is reminded of all I am to her. The morning, when she snuggles between Jon and I in bed and just talks and talks....the evenings, when she curls up next to me at bedtime and snuggles before I put her down for the night...and the few occasions throughout the day when I catch a smile from her or have a moment to chase her around the house or have a dance party in the living room.

This is motherhood.

Being the first pick...but only when no one else is looking. Being the one she'll run to when she gets hurt...being the one she'll rely on to survive. I suppose you could say I've embraced the fact that I live somewhere in her that may not always appear on the surface of things. I am deep deep down in that little heart of hers...where she can always feel it and always know its there when she needs it. There is something devine about this...a connection so perfected...and no matter how jealous I might become when she runs into the arms of someone else instead of me, I will always know that I will be the constant in her little life. Guiding her in the background...loving her in ways she won't recognize until she, God willing, has a child of her own.

This Christmas I am thankful for Alivia. For God's amazing gift to Jon and I....a beautiful baby....a wonderful family....amazing friends. And most importantly, I am thankful for a Savior who finds me worthy of these things...and so much more.

I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and a very very happy new year.

Franciscan Blessing...

May God bless you with discomfort...

at easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships...

so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger...

at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people...

so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears...

to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war...

so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness...

to believe that you can make a difference in the world...

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done...

to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. 

Anxious for nothing...

This week I've learned something about myself. 

I'm always looking for the next thing. I'm never content. I'm constantly wondering what I'll do next...what life will look like tomorrow. I cloud myself with these worries, these thoughts...so often that I usually forget to look at today. 

I was recently offered a full time Nanny job for some family of ours. 40 hours a week, 2 kids, 8a-4p every day. At first, my immediate response was no way. Then I mulled it over and started considering the possibilities...this job would give me nights and weekends free with my husband and more money to pay off our debts and make life a bit easier. 

What would I have to give up for more money? I'd have to give up a part time job I've done all my working life and that I love so much. A part time job with people who have become like family. I'd have to give up the "dates" I've begun to have weekly with friends and family..."dates" that I have come to charish deeply. I'd have to give up the time alone with Alivia...cuddling on the couch, just me and her, with our goldfish crackers and Charlie and Lola. I began thinking about all of these things and I came to realize that I am happy. 

I am happy.

Sure, having extra money is wonderful...more time with my husband, even better...But is it worth giving up the things that given me happiness today? My family. My work. My friendships. My daughter. Not to say any job could take these things away from me...but through all of this I've become content with where God has brought me now. How blessed I am to be able to stay home with my daughter! How blessed I am to be able to develop friendships with women who are in the same place in life as I am! How blessed I am to have a job that I care about, and cares about me! How blessed I am to have time alone with my baby...to watch her grow...to teach her about life. 

How blessed I am to have a husband that supports and loves me...and I him. 

How blessed I am to worship a GOD that is faithful.  

Through all of this...I've learned to be content with what God has given me. To be thankful that I have anything at all...and to give thanks to the Lord for blessing me with all of it. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither tool nor spin, yet I tell you even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:25-34

Little one in the big city

Its been FOREVER since I last blogged. My sincere apologies. The bigger Alivia gets, the busier I get...so it seems. 

On Friday, Jon and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, he took me to see Wicked on Saturday night. It was absolutely unbelievable...and reminded me how important it is to get out and do things outside of what our comfort zone has become every once in awhile. 

Over the summer, we decided to spend a Sunday in the city with Alivia. We envisioned a train ride downtown...Alivia's little face glued to the window watching everything outside the window. We'd walk up and down Michigan Ave, Alivia amazed by the people, the sounds, the buildings. Then we'd play in Millennium Park. Alivia and Jon would kick the soccer ball around and I'd lay in the grass. Instead of all these wonderful things, we got just the opposite. The train was crowded and Alivia was cranky because she hadn't gotten her nap. When we got to the city, she wanted nothing more then to be out of her stroller. She whined and cried all day. When she finally did fall asleep, Jon and I were so overwhelmed and exhausted, we were ready to go home. We had only been in the city for an hour. It was hot and miserable. We vowed to never do it again. 

After that trip, I had nothing good to say about the city. I was pissed at it...hated its inconvenience...and decided at that moment, to add it to the deciding factors on whether or not to move to California. 

But last night...Jon and I drove downtown together. Alivia was in my parent's safe keeping, and I was excited. We parked...and walked around. The city was beautiful. Christmas lights were everywhere...people were bundled up in their winter coats, scarves and hats. It was the PERFECT setting for our evening. Last night I remembered all I love about Chicago. And, while I vow to never take Alivia down there without a REALLY good nap and a lot of snacks...I can't wait to bring her down there again so she can see everything I saw last night. 

Don't worry Melissa...I promise I haven't forgotten about California :)

Moved...

"Elections make intelligent people say and do unintelligent things. But they also make faithful people talk and act as if they had little faith. " 

- Collin Hansen

(http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2008/11/the_hansen_repo.htmlhtt)

my not-so-private vote

I began this election year making my choice for president very obvious. I debated for him, I fought for him, and then I realized how much I hated arguing with friends and loved ones about an opinion we are all entitled to. 

After a few months of this, I decided to keep my vote private. There were a few who knew, many who know me well enough to figure it out, but for the most part...many didn't know, and wouldn't know until I decided to share. I voted last week, after doing my homework. I looked at every issue, watched every debate, listened to many opposing opinions...heck, I even took more then second look at the other candidate. I dug deep inside of myself and thought about what was important to me...what was important for my family...for our country. 

So today...ELECTION DAY 2008...I decided to come out with it. I've chosen Barack Obama for President of the United States. What I still intend to keep private are the reasons for my vote, but I will say this...I think it takes realizing that one human being can't save this fallen world...one human being can't bring world peace...one human being can't save the human race from ruining ourselves. But what one human being can do is make a difference, if even a small one...perhaps not in every issue I believe in, but then again, I don't believe its the president's responsibility to do much of what our community thinks he should.  

I would be naive to vote with the expectation that whoever does become president will magically make everything right. But I do believe in taking a risk...taking a chance for change...and I believe that while McCain might be right for some, Obama is right for me. Right for me, right now. 

While I respect your opinions, I'd rather not hear what you think about my vote. If you'd like to share yours, please feel free. I'm keeping the peace this election year...something I'm not normally accustomed to. 

With all of this said...no matter who you choose, for whatever reasons you might choose...vote. Vote for whomever you like...but vote.

happy election day.

Remembering my little one in her little days

I'm happy to announce that our little Alivia is much healthier then my last post. This morning I woke up to her little voice calling out "Mama?!". I walked into her bedroom to find her in nothing but her teeny tiny onsie...fleece pajamas on the floor of her bedroom, along with all of her bedtime stuffed animals and blankets. 

Her poor little piggies were so cold. 

The other day while rocking Alivia to sleep, everything came rushing back to me. When you have a baby for the first time, or any time I imagine, its very easy to feel everything. You feel what its like to have created a little human being, you learn to love her, feel her, know her. There are so many experiences that come with having a baby...and if you ask any mother, she will be able to look back and feel all 2 million feelings she felt when her baby was first born. However, I'm finding that as my sweet Alivia grows and grows, as our lives become more cluttered, its so easy to forget. So as I held my sweet baby in my arms, rocking her to sleep as she wrapped her tiny arms around me, her head on my chest listening to my heartbeat, it all came back to me. The first time I held her...the first time I smelled her...the first time I fell in love with her...and as I held her there, I closed my eyes and remembered holding my tiny baby for the first time. I remember being scared, being sad, being overwhelmed with a joy I've never experienced until now...and as I opened my eyes and looked down at her, I had to thank God for this precious little person he gave me. This little person who has become her own in 18 short months.